I just dropped Billy off at his bridge (aka his place of residence). Today went well. I picked him up around 2, came back to my place, he ate more food than I have ever seen him eat, he went down to the crawl space and found a bunch of his clothes, he took a shower and we talked for a while. In a way I think he enjoys being out on the streets... Its not as bad as I thought. He is able to eat 3 meals a day and he still has clothes on his back so as long as he does not cross the wrong people he is okay. He is still on drugs and still drinks so it is very obvious that he is not wanting to change his lifestyle. We never filled out applications like he said he needed help with... Just another way to get me to pick him up and for him to eat a good home cooked meal I guess. He did not ask for anything until I dropped him off... He asked if I had a couple dollars and with out thinking, I told him NO. He mumbled that he needed cigarettes and I looked at him and told him to find a job.
I guess the one thing that I don't get is how he is okay with living under a bridge... I don't see how he is okay with smooching off of anyone and everyone he comes into contact with. Its not the same brother I grew up with and that makes me so sad. I know times weren't too easy, but they were not miserable when we were growing up either. I think we had an exceptionally good childhood compared to some. I can just pray that he wants to change. I have decided today that I will no longer worry about him. He knows what he is doing (so he says) and he is not looking to change his life, so I just need to get on with mine. I will always be there for him (I don't care what anyone says) because he is my little brother, but I am not going to stress myself out anymore. If he does not like something I say or do to try and help him that is too bad. I love him and I tell him that every time I talk to him and hopefully he believes me.
Just thought I would get that out in the open! I had a wonderful day with my brother and I am calm and in a great mood so I know that I am moving on! I am very excited about this. Well, gotta go and try to figure out something to make for dinner... Wish me luck! ha ha
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Unknown said...
Hey girl, just being there for him will be good for him. Knowing that there is someone he can call is always a good thing. He knows if he don;t want to be alone he wont have to. The hard part is waiting for him to hit rock bottom to wake him up and try to want to change his life. Patience is the one thing you will need. Hang in there, it will work out for the best.
September 28, 2008 at 6:50 PM
Anonymous said...
Becky,
You are doing exactly what needs to be done for him. Loving him, yet not helping him with his addictions. The last thing you want to do is aid him in the things he is doing wrong. When I had was going through the things I did with Michael the best thing for me was the "tough LOVE" mom and Emily gave me. Keep up what you are doing. I would also suggest praying for him. I truley believe in the power of prayer and it is just one more thing you can "do" for him. I am here if you need me to talk to anyone.
~Melissa
September 29, 2008 at 1:28 PM