Things that make us go hmmm...

I had a very good conversation with my new cousin. She opened up my eyes to a lot of stuff going on with Jeremy's side of the family. I am hoping we can start over with a fresh slate and begin good strong relationships. My goal (on top of becoming healthier) is to keep lines of communication open with all my family and friends. I seem to drop off the face of the earth when I get into my unpleasant moods and I was doing that because I do not want to burden anyone with my petty problems. Well, after talking to my mom-in-law, I now see that it was just hurting those that care. So... haha! now everyone will be subject to my upsetting moments! ;-)

I am going to talk to Jeremy tonight and see if we can come to some agreement about having family nights so we don't lose contact any more. I am hoping for a strong family bond and open communication so no one is walking on egg shells. I have felt pretty crappy about not talking to anyone on his side of the family for a while now... I finally opened up my eyes, thanks to some information given to me, and did something about my crappy feelings.

On a happier note... My grandma will be 74 years young tomorrow! I am going to see her tomorrow and just talk with her. She is such an amazing woman! I cannot wait to spend time with her!

Although it has been a very emotional night for me, I am in good spirits that all the bad will be turned around and changed to good. We learn from our mistakes, right?! Tomorrow will be a great day and I plan on nothing but positive attitude from me. ;-)

So I am not sure what to do... I have been with American Family for 5 years and I am just not happy. I am very comfortable, but not happy. The past couple weeks I have been tossing around the idea of looking for something different, but to be completely honest, I am scared to death to leave my "comfort zone". I have no benefits with American Family. I am allotted 2 weeks vacation and 5 sick days (all have guilt trips included for taking time off) We have 5 days holiday pay (not too bad, but it is half from what I started with). The good part about working there is my pay. I am making pretty good money, but I know I could be making more somewhere else. I just don't know what to do. I feel if I leave, I am letting everyone at the office down, but is it really worth my happiness? Yeah, I will feel like crap for a while by leaving. I know I will be thinking about the insureds I always work with, there are some that I would hate to lose contact with, but again, is it worth my happiness?

The other place I have been looking at is Progressive Insurance. As much as I would hate to stay in insurance, its what I know, and what I am good at. (I like to tell myself anyway!) They offer competitive pay, 401K, insurance, the benefits look to be endless!! One of my really good friends works for the company, and she likes it there. The only draw back is, its a call center. I hate the phones! As long as I don't have to do cold calls I should be okay, but I am not sure if it the money and benefits would be worth it... *sigh*

My dream job / career would be working with kids. I want so bad to get my foot in the door to becoming a teacher. I want so bad to go to school and work with kids. I know it would not be all fun, there is still the parents that would raise a stink about this or that, I think I would be very happy working with kiddos!

Ugh, this growing up stuff is no fun! I could go on and on for hours, even days, about why I should stay where I am at and why I should leave and so on... I am just going pray that some major sign comes about as far as what I should do. Right now I am so mixed with emotions, I am tempted to write my boss an email! (that would be bad! very very bad! -- I need to at least wait until after my birthday lunch!) (haha)

Well, I am going to continue to think about all my options and try to stay calm at work. :o) 'Till next time!

So I have decided that I am heading down the wrong road again as far as my health is concerned. I have gained weight since the wedding and I am lazy, and overall not happy with myself. I need to start making changes again, the question to myself, however, is what change can I stick with? I have lots of great ideas floating around my head, but none of them I have been able to stick with or even start. I need to figure something out and quick. Jeremy had mentioned joining a gym again. I know when I was going to the gym religiously thats when I dropped the pounds before... So that may be what I need. I am just so good at making excuses for not going. The gym is such a great place especially because it helps relieve stress. Now that I have "talked" this out with myself, that just may be the one thing that will get me back on track. I want to feel great about myself again... I want to be confident in myself again. I just want and need a change!


Step one in my health quest: I am going to try to get back on spark people again and start logging in my food and join in on the chats and look for support if I feel like I need it.


Step two in my health quest: I am going to start eating smaller portions again, eat healthier, and leave the chocolate for my love! ;o)


Step three in my health quest: I need a major attitude change. Positive talk and thoughts from now on. I need to look in that mirror every day and tell myself that I am on the right track, that this is a life style change and it is for the best!

I can do this! Lots of support will be great and a gym membership will be very helpful I believe (since there is no room in our house for a "home gym") So..... here I go! I am going to do updates at least once a week, I think. That way my progress is out there floating in cyberspace! ;o)

Yesterday I played hookie and I had a wonderful time! Jeremy and I went to the Garden of the Gods, took Rampart Range Road and began our journey of looking at all the beautiful colors the trees turn! I have never been on such a beautiful drive! We took Rampart Range Road to the Rampart Reservoir and then headed to Woodland Park. From Woodland Park we went to Cripple Creek, and OH MY GOODNESS! I was so amazed by the colors! It was just beautiful!!! Yesterday was so wonderful! I loved spending the full afternoon with Jeremy, I fell in love with him all over again! I didn't want to go to work today, I wanted to spend another day with him.

Today I am looking for tickets so Jeremy and I can go to Washington state to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. I am so excited! I did not get to spend any time with her when she came down for the wedding so I am really looking forward to spending a week with her! Jeremy is hoping to have his fancy Canon (I think) so he can start taking good pictures. I cannot wait to see him get super excited about a new toy! Thats always fun to watch!

Well, I am going to call it quits now... it's time to figure out what to make for dinner...

I just dropped Billy off at his bridge (aka his place of residence). Today went well. I picked him up around 2, came back to my place, he ate more food than I have ever seen him eat, he went down to the crawl space and found a bunch of his clothes, he took a shower and we talked for a while. In a way I think he enjoys being out on the streets... Its not as bad as I thought. He is able to eat 3 meals a day and he still has clothes on his back so as long as he does not cross the wrong people he is okay. He is still on drugs and still drinks so it is very obvious that he is not wanting to change his lifestyle. We never filled out applications like he said he needed help with... Just another way to get me to pick him up and for him to eat a good home cooked meal I guess. He did not ask for anything until I dropped him off... He asked if I had a couple dollars and with out thinking, I told him NO. He mumbled that he needed cigarettes and I looked at him and told him to find a job.

I have decided to start a journal online... if anyone reads this, advise is always welcome! If no one reads this, oh well, at least my thoughts and troubles are out there!